Not again....

Often I find myself wondering why I blow it.  I know it’s coming, and yet I feel powerless at that moment in doing anything to keep it from happening.  I feel the anger, frustration and/or irritability rising inside me.  Even though I know in my heart whatever the situation is really isn’t a very big deal, I make it one because it makes me feel better.

It is such madness, and goes against everything that I know to be true about walking this walk with Christ that means so much to me.  Literally, as soon as the cruel words fly out of my mouth, I wish I could simply reel them back in to release them back to the depths of hell from where they came.  Too late…..damage done.  It hurts me.  I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  Disappointment and sadness fill my heart.

Lord, I know the things I should be doing.  I know that a gentle answer turns away anger and that I should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.  You said it in your word.  I know it so well.  So why do I lose my patience with my kids?  How do I let hurtful words be my choice when speaking to the ones I love most in life?  Why do I allow myself to let my worldly emotions overtake my heart?

I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing…What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?

                        Romans 7:15-20, 25

Exactly!  For the moment, I am reminded that I am still human and I still sin daily.  I strive to live the way God wants me to, but I do fall short.  How grateful I am that I serve a mighty God who sent His son to save me from myself! 

Whew.  Another day to try to get it right-that is just what I need.  Thank you, Lord, for your continuous grace and mercy.  I am not deserving of it, however I am humbled and grateful for your unconditional love.  Please help me to show the same compassion and love toward my own family.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.