Soul searching...

It began after church today.  Sometimes it follows a conversation, other times it just happens because I am thinking about a profound topic.  Either that, or I'm once again tossing thoughts around in my head.  I get that feeling of wanting to be still and really take time to reflect on my blessings.  The place I wanted to go was crystal clear to me...

For me, there is something truly special about being near the water.  As soon as I get there, I am transported to a quiet place in my mind.  I gaze out across the expanse and feel my cares just leave me.  I realized today how much it means to me to have time to think and ponder where I am and where I am going. 

Right now, today, there are things about me that I am happy with, and then there are others that make me cringe.  Especially since today is Sunday, and I was in church this morning, it resonates deep within me just how far I still need to go to get right with God, and with how He intends for me to live.

I still question too much.  Why are things like they are?  How come the same emotions still slam into me like an unexpected wave would when my back is turned?  What sense does it make that I can encourage others and pray for them, giving scripture and advice, yet I sometimes struggle to apply that to my own life?  How long will I feel completely full of the Lord and His strength one moment, only to buckle at the first sign of conflict, bad news,  or a challenging life situation the next?

I love how God knows my deepest feelings and thoughts.  Right when I need some reassurance, He provides it through a word, a person, or a situation which shows me that His timing is perfect.  Today, a great blue heron flew across the water, right in front of where I was sitting.  I instantly felt calm and smiled because my mom loved those birds and whenever I see one, I think of her.  It may seem silly to you, but for me it was a beautiful blessing from God.  A reminder, if you will, of where I've been and what He has brought me through.

I know God's promises are true and real.  I know, without a doubt, that He is Almighty and that He loves me unconditionally.  Therefore, I have reassurance from the most vital place - from my Father.  I cannot find completeness anywhere else.  I've tried.  Numerous times!  It is when I surrender my fears, doubts, anger, frustration, control and worries to Him that I am able to finally release it all and walk faithfully forward, ready for life and all the experiences that come my way.

This is a process.  We have to be willing to let go and let God, literally, so we don't miss what He has for us.  I am just so thankful for His patience with me!  Now if only I could be that patient with myself...

Anyone else find quiet time to be helpful?  What is your favorite way to relax and refresh when you have a lot on your mind?