Tis the Season....

Each year before the holiday season arrives, I tell myself that it will be different.  I think that for once I'll just relax and enjoy it, without allowing myself to get stressed or frustrated.  I'm honest and must confess that once again, I'm in a rut! 



It's nice to see the decorations all around me and listen to the festive music.  I like to hear others share all about what they will be doing over the break from work and school.  Somehow there is just always something missing for me...

There is so much that I am thankful for.  I have Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I am loved by my wonderful husband and children, I have an incredible family and great friends.  My job is amazing and I am healthy.  So why in the world do I just want this week to be over already?

I cannot help but wonder why there is such a push to commercialize Christmas.  I am one who has always celebrated it by acknowledging the birth of Christ along with getting a tree and gifts to open on Christmas morning. We have always made cinnamon rolls and put candles in them before singing happy birthday to Jesus after opening our gifts.  While I am aware that Jesus was not actually born on the 25th of December (according to evidence I've read, it is more likely in the Spring or early Fall), I do like celebrating His existence in my life.

The main thing I dislike about the holidays is shopping.  I am probably one of the only women who does not enjoy it!  Most people love to go out and look around and think of creative gifts that will be well received and loved by the recipient.  I, however, am not that way.  I am so indecisive, and I second guess myself to the point of just deciding to walk out of the store with nothing instead of picking something that I'm afraid the person will not like.

I don't ever want just one day to have to represent how much I love and care about my family and friends.  I live my life trying my best to show them how much I appreciate and value them every day.  I do this through offering a helping hand, prayers, encouraging words, conversation and through supplying their needs in whatever way I am able to.  I want that to be enough.

Does this sound mean?  Selfish? Rude?  I certainly don't mean it to come across that way.  So many emotions are swirling through my brain today.  Why the unnecessary pressure?  I'm sure I place it on myself.  I need to just rest assured that what I do and offer is enough.  Now just to make myself believe it...

Sometimes....

Sometimes I feel you.

Your warmth, compassion, love, tenderness.

This morning as I watched the sun peek through the trees I thought of you.  The change of seasons always makes me miss you a little more.  With change comes pain sometimes.

When you left us three years ago, my heart broke.  The fact that you were restored and brought home to your Lord gave me  peace, but oh how I miss you...

When I have meaningful conversations with my own children I sense your presence.  I can hear your voice in my head and find words to encourage, console, teach and challenge them.  I thank God for you and how much you showed me about being a mommy.

Unconditional love.  Yes, that.

At work, I treat the children in my care as if they were my own.  You taught me that.  Everyone deserves love and a chance, even at the times they seem the most undeserving.  No, especially at those times.  Right, mom?  It's the hardest thing to do sometimes, but it matters.  I'm so glad to have learned that from you!

So much is running through my head today.  Faith, family, mistakes, attempts, failures, perseverance, questions, laughter, tears, emptiness, happiness, gratefulness, confusion, grace, mercy, love.

I wish you were still here.  I have so many things I want to tell you and ask you and see what you would do and say and think.  Instead, I'll sit still and listen for your voice, and feel your love, that I carry with me in my heart.

I love you always, mom.  Thank you for still showing me the way...


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.  Psalm 34:18

Back to life, back to reality....

busiest.week.ever.

stretched.very.thin.

i.feel.tired.


Wow!!  What a busy, exciting, confusing, exhausting, unpredictable, emotional, frustrating, funny, sad, happy and incredible week this has been for me.  I've been back to work for almost 2 weeks now, and I am ready for the routine to kick in so I can find some normalcy in my often hectic world.  This summer I had more time for running and exercising, and I am definitely missing that a lot.  I need to figure out a new workout schedule soon since I am once again juggling full time work as an Autism Paraprofessional at the Elementary School, along with being a wife and mommy.  It is a rewarding job, and I love it tremendously.  It also makes me realize how much I need my Lord to make it work! 

I'm sure many of you are thinking, "You just had the summer off!  Why are you complaining?"  First off, I'm not complaining, I'm just here to express some feelings that are swirling around in my brain.  While I did enjoy some time off from work, I am never "off."  I am always thinking of my family and my responsibilities there, and trying to do the best I can to help my sweet  husband and kids know how much I love and appreciate them.  Also, if you could shadow me for a day at my job, you'd be pleading for some down time to refuel and refresh yourself to come back and be able to give your all to the kids in your care.

I am especially realizing how meaningful my relationship with God is after some time spent reflecting today.  He is the source of my strength, and He does give me rest when I am weary.  I have so much to be thankful for, and I know how important it is to praise Him, even as I feel unsure about events that are happening in my life, and all around me.

I am encouraged this evening in so many ways.  I have a supportive, loving, encouraging family who bring me complete joy and fulfill all my dreams of what a family should be.  I have faithful friends who understand me and help me through the crazy days.  I am able to work in a school that truly feels like an extension of my own family.  I work with children who show me the need for love, grace, mercy, understanding, guidance, encouragement, perseverance and patience daily.  All of these things remind me of my sweet Jesus, who ties it all together in love, embracing me and refilling me with all I need to rise  up and give my all each day.

Thank You, Lord, for always being faithful to me.  Thank You for Your Son, who lives in me and shows me the way.  Lead me along the path You have for me, for I only strive to please You and to do Your will.  Whatever that means, I am ready and willing. 


jesus.is.mine.

i.am.blessed.

my.life.is.amazing.

Renew, refresh, refocus

What a wonderful day!  I started it with a 2.5 mile run at 7 a.m. with  a friend and I feel like a million bucks!  Not that I know what a million bucks feels like by any stretch of the imagination, but I imagine it is awesome...Anyway, I am in such a good place mentally and I'm so thankful for it. 

I strive to be a positive person, and try to live my life in a way that please God.  I fail miserably at times, and freely admit that.  However, I serve a mighty Lord who forgives me each time I blow it, and He mercifully gives me another chance to get it right.  Amazing!  How can one not be in an eternal state of awe and thankfulness knowing that incredible fact?

 

 



By completely changing my outlook, refocusing on God's promises, and spending more quality time with Him, I've enabled myself to climb out of a funk that was hanging around me for a while.  You know how the daily little things eat away at you until you just feel like you're empty?  Each day you go through the motions, thinking you blew it yet again, getting sucked right into the enemies trap of lies and false emotions.  Sometimes I could actually see the armor of God being torn right off of me after I've just put it on, trying to strengthen myself with it.

 

 

 

 

For me, surrounding myself with positive people is so important.  I cannot allow the stinkin' thinkin' of others bring me down or discourage me.  Even though I don't always get it right, I try my best.  If that's good enough for my Lord, than it's got to be good enough!  He equips me and leads me, and I am not in this alone!  Neither are you!  His promises are for everyone. All we need to do is ask Him to show us what He wants us to do, and then faithfully take that first step...

 

 

 

 

I look forward to this weekend for some relaxing, enjoyable family time.  I hope you are able to find joy too, and I'd like to suggest starting with some quiet time to really reflect on your blessings and gifts from God that are all around you.  Thinking on such things will enable you to refocus your energy and spirit toward being grateful and positive.  Guaranteed!

 

Love, peace and blessings....

Extreme Emotion

We turn now to our weekly one-word prompt.  This week we are asking for a 33- to 333-word response using the word:

 

FLY (intransitive verb)

3a : to move, pass, or spread quickly <rumors were flying>  

  b : to be moved with sudden extreme emotion <flew into a rage>  

  c : to seem to pass quickly <the time simply flew>

Please note that the above examples of the third definition use various tenses of the verb.  For Trifecta, remember, you must not change the tense.  We need fly, not flying or flew.  

 

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/

 

 

 

 

 

I sit at my kitchen table, feeling the wave of grief rise within me.  My four day old daughter is nursing while my pastor asks, “Which songs would you like us to play during his home going service?”

The events of my husband’s death fly right before my eyes.  I clearly see his left shoulder hanging off the futon in our daughter’s room and his outstretched hand reaching for something.  Eyes that exude fear and beg for someone to save him haunt me still.  There are so many questions that have remained unanswered.  How will we survive?  Was it necessary to have our two sons, so young and full of life, find their father in our home after he had a heart attack?  Must I be labeled a widow at the age of 33?

I feel as if I am dreaming, until the searing pain of reality lands me back into the conversation with my pastor.  “Whatever you want to play will be fine, pastor Jenkins” I say.  How does he expect me to think about music right now?  I see his mouth moving, yet I hear nothing but my disquieting screams in my head.

They say time heals all wounds.  I say the wounds remain, and we just absorb them.

33

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/


Last weekend we gave you a super prescriptive prompt.  We also promised you we'd ease up this week.  As such, this weekend we are asking for a thirty-three word free-write.  Any topic, any style--just give us your best thirty three.

Truthfully?

Ha!

Incredible!

Right.

Think…

Yes!

 

That’s it!

Hey!

Ready?

Eager!

Enthusiastic!!

A free write brings the desire to go for it, except when your brain is runnin’ on empty.  Maybe next time…

 

 

Trifecta Writing Challenge

I've seen my big brother do several of these challenges and thought I'd try it out....not even sure if this is how it's supposed to be done, but here goes nothing!!  :)

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/

 

 

This weekend we are asking you to play around with the following quote:

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.
--Henry James

 

For the sake of clarity (and brevity), we'll impose a thirty-three word upper limit.

Three things in life are sure to help you learn something new. One, jump right in expecting the best.  Two, jump right in expecting the best.  Three, jump right in expecting the best.

THE BLESSING OF SISTERS!

Today was the day I've been looking forward to with great anticipation.  Knowing that I get to see my sisters puts an instant smile on my face and lifts my spirits to the sky.  Differing schedules and family demands often put a damper on all four of us getting together.  Somehow, someway we always find the means to make it happen. 

The IHOP staff didn't know what they were in for when the Burhans girls showed up this morning. 
Giggling and bouncing in the booth, we welcomed each other and our day began!

Conversation was sporadic, but meaningful as we all tried to cram months of life into minutes of fellowship.  Silly stories and uncontrolled outbursts of laughter spread through the restaurant during our breakfast.  Why is it that time has to pass so quickly when you truly wish it would stand still?  Why does Suzy love napkins so much?  Did the bathroom need to feel like a sauna?  Was Christina, our waitress, giggling along with us because she could tell how much we were enjoying each other, or was she secretly hoping we would leave?  Will Beth burst into Chakaboom dance right there in our booth?  Do you think Tina's co-workers would have been upset if we just took her for the day instead of having to say good bye right after we ate?  Would Tammy leave this place with marks on her from the seat?

There are so many things I adore about my sisters.  Each of them adds quality to my life. I treasure their suggestions and opinions, knowing that they care so much about me.  It's funny how just a little over an hour with them fills my heart with more than enough joy to carry me until our next get together.

Each time I think of my sisters, I am reminded of the love that binds us with one another.  It runs deep, and close to my heart.  Treasured are the times we spend connecting, even when they are short lived.

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.  ~ Philippians 1:3

 

 

 

Quiet Time

Ahhhhh, morning.  How I cherish the uninterrupted quiet, peaceful time.  I love having a chance to fuel my mind and spirit for the upcoming day by beginning it with God.

Some days, I am fully awake and just soak in all the wisdom and guidance from the Word.  Other days, honestly, I am groggy and still wishing I was curled up in my comfy bed, dreaming and sleeping.  I can remember kneeling at my couch one morning and actually falling asleep during a prayer!  How's that for failing at an attempt to have quality quiet time!

The wonderful thing about time with the Lord is that it doesn't have to be perfect.  I know years ago I struggled with this thought.  I felt that if I didn't rise at the break of dawn and spend hours in prayer and Bible study I would be banished from heaven for being such a heathen.

Then a wise woman shared with me the importance of seeking God.  She mentioned that our goal in having a meaningful quiet time was to give God our best.  If that means 5:30 a.m., then so be it.  It might mean for some that the middle of the day is the best time for meeting the Lord.  For others, late at night when the house is quiet and everyone is asleep is their best time.  Your best time is just that - yours!  Don't let anyone else tell you something different.

The most imperative part of this process is that you are seeking Him and wanting to spend time with Him. 

Life happens, as we all know.  You oversleep.  The kids wake up earlier than usual.  You have an appointment, or you aren't feeling well.  Those circumstances are understandable.  Just don't let them completely take you from your intention to be with God.

There have been situations in which I'll have 4 wonderful minutes with Him, and then something happens to take me away from that time and I have to come back to it.  Once I get back to that place of worship and focus on God, another little fire appears that I have to put out.  Now I'm up to 6.7 minutes with Him!  I quickly realize that the actual number of minutes is not what matters. Having my heart and mind fully focused on the Lord and His goodness is what counts.

 



Just be still.  Quiet yourself.  Close your eyes and simply be in His presence.  Check in with Him, and ask what you can do for Him today.  Ask for guidance and see what He tells you.  Read your Bible.  Seek His wisdom.  Unload your burdens.  Pray about what matters to you.  He cares, and He loves to have that special time with you.

The physical place and time you take to be with God is not of utter importance.  Your genuine desire to be with Him and your willingness to make it a priority is most significant.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13



Out The Door

 

 

 

This stuff is fab-u-lous!!!  I love it! 

 

I am such a low maintenance girl, and do my own nails at home.  I've had people comment on how nice my toenails look, and often it's after several weeks of painting them!  I'm sharing this information with you so you can protect your polish and not have to change it so often.

 

 

Ladies, trust  me.  This works wonders!  Not only does it last a long time, it is named "Out The Door" for a good reason - once you put it on and it dries for a minute or two, you can jet out the door without a worry!  No smudges, chips, or smears.  For real!

 

Men, buy some for your girls, and you will save lots of dough on those expensive pedicures.  Go to Sally's Beauty Supply store and get a bottle or two.  Your girl will thank you!!

 

If you try it out, let me know what you think! 

 

Happy painting!

Running

Clothes.  Socks.  Shoes.  Hat.  Phone for tracking mileage.  Arm band for phone.  Drink water.  Time to go!

"You can do this,"  I say several times.  Press start.  Listen for 5 second count down.  Start running.

Every time I begin my run it is the same drill. No matter which direction I choose to go when I leave my house to run, I am faced with a hill.  Honestly, each time I have to pep talk myself into making it.  Amazingly enough, I always get there and as I crest the top of the hill, I feel very empowered and happy.

I shared with my daughter that I talk to myself while I run.  "Seriously mom?  Please, no!" she says to me.  She found it quite funny that I do.  "It motivates me," I tell her.  "Oh my gosh, what if people hear you?" she asked.  "Oh well!"  I said.

Strength.  Determination.  Perseverance.  Commitment.  Stamina.  Focus.  Will power.  Purpose.

I am thankful that so far I've been able to enjoy running without injuries or pain.  I definitely feel it in my muscles and body after a run, but it's a good thing.  Let's me know I'm working hard.  I just wonder if I look goofy when I run!  Silly, I know, but I have seen people out there running who clearly look as if they should have chosen another way to exercise.  The pain they seem to be in as they shuffle along is hurtful to watch and I don't feel that way so hopefully I don't look that way!

On September 7th, I will be running a 5k.  I am so excited!  It's a goal I've set for myself and who knows what I'll do after that.  Maybe continue to run, or possibly go back to power walking.  We shall see.  Until then, I'll continue to run each day, talking to myself along the way!  :)

...they will run and not grow weary...(Isaiah 40:31)

Conviction

When words you read resonate with you and sink deep into your heart, action is inevitable.

If you find yourself a bit overwhelmed or irritated, it’s a sign that you’re spending less time with God and more time with this world.

I saw this message today on a friend's instagram page.  It was as if someone swung a 2x4 right upside my head with those words attached to it.

I feel as though I've been so distracted lately.  There are numerous things on my mind and I find myself trying to figure out how to fix them, instead of taking time to pray and give my concerns to God.  I also find myself spending a lot of time on facebook, instagram and then relying on my own thoughts and ideas to make sense of my life.

Sometimes I feel stuck.  I take a couple of steps forward, and then feel this tug from behind that yanks me several steps back.  Usually I am not deeply affected when that happens.

There are some days, however....

How is it that the faith which grounds me, steadies me and strengthens me feels so far removed?  Why do the promises escape me?  Where are those verses I've memorized, and how come it is so hard for me to bring them to mind?

Time.  Passing quickly like water flowing downstream.  Slowly moving like a snail creeping along a hot sidewalk on a summer day.  Time.  Too much spent on mindless distractions.  Not enough spent on meaningful interactions and time with my Lord.

I am convicted.  I know what I need to do.  I will put aside the things that take my mind to places that aren't Christ-like.  I will believe God over man.  I will trust in His guidance, rather than be so prideful to think that my way is better.  I choose to walk in faith, knowing that everything I experience and feel is part of His plan.

Irritation, frustration, lack of energy, stress, doubt and worry have no place in me.  I claim joy, peace and a renewed relationship with Christ right now in Jesus' name. 

Amen!

What's gonna work???

Whew!  I made it through another week.  A long, sorta tiring, eventful week.  I am glad to be home relaxing and leisurely thinking about what quiet activity I'll enjoy this evening - NOT!  Laundry is going, I've watered the plants outside, done some weeding and added soil to some of the pots, dinner is in the oven, I've answered emails and I'm getting ready to go workout.  Sometimes it feels like there are never enough hours in the day to get it all done.  I am reminded of how much it helps to know you've got someone in your corner for support when you're feeling tapped out.

For me, I am thankful for my family and co-workers today.  I've had activities after work a couple of nights this week, and I'm happy to say my kids handled dinner and clean up afterwards and it feels good to know they can survive without me here.  Yeah, I know, you're probably laughing and wondering why I think they couldn't make it alone.  However, as a mommy who cares a lot about her family, it bothers me not to be home to cook and eat dinner with them and my husband. 

My co-workers, angels that they are, amazed me this week.  I am a paraprofessional in the autism room at an elementary school in my neighborhood and this week was challenging.  Maybe it's because spring has sprung.  Perhaps it was due to the full moon and strange weather we've had.  I'm pretty sure it's just the nature of what we do, but whatever the case may be, I'm so glad to have women in my corner who support and nurture me and the kids as we find our way through each day.  It is such a comforting feeling to know that we all come together with the same goals in mind no matter  how hard, frustrating, sad, hilarious, wonderful or strange things may be in our classroom; we want each child in our room to receive the best care, education and learning opportunities possible while providing a safe, loving environment to do it in.   

God has truly placed me in a position to witness caring, strong, willing, kind, creative, loving, dedicated people to work with and for that I thank Him.  So much goes on each day, and if I tried to write about a typical day in our room, it wouldn't be possible because each day is new and a wonder to behold.  I am blessed beyond measure to be entrusted with these precious children to work with.  I've learned so much from them, and I am thrilled for the chance to do my best to make a positive difference in their lives.  I am just so glad to be part of a team of people that truly have the kids' best interest at heart. 

So in the words of the Wonderpets....

Oh look!  Someone needs us!  Quick team!  Let's go.....

Autism team

We're on our way
To help a friend
And save the day
We're not too big
And we're not too tough
But when we work together

 We've got the right stuff

What's gonna work?  Team work!

What's gonna work?  Team work!  Go, Autism Team, yay!

 

 

 

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ~Ecclesiastes 4:9  NLT

 



 

Yoga!

Several weeks ago I purchased a Groupon for 10 yoga classes.  I have always wanted to try yoga, but honestly thought it would be boring.  I like to work out but have always been drawn to exercises that involve a lot of moving or lifting.  I wasn't really sure what to expect, especially with the first class I signed up for:  Hot Yoga 101.

Now I had heard of hot yoga before and truthfully it didn't appeal to me.  The thought of being confined into a smelly, steamy, humid room with other people breathing around me did not do much at all for me.  I decided to try it once, just so I could say I did it!  When I first pushed the door open to the room and walked in, the heat nearly knocked me to the ground! It was just so different to be in that environment.

What struck me next was how quiet it was.  Mind you, I was coming from a full day of working with elementary school kids as a paraprofessional in the Autism room.  My day does not have "down time."  I work with several kids and am constantly on the go.  I even eat lunch with the students, so I literally am with them the whole day.  I love my job, by the way, and am not complaining!  Just trying to help you understand that I was entering into a completely opposite atmosphere...

I arrived early to class to allow myself time to get used to the heat, as recommended by the person I spoke with on the phone when I registered for class. I laid out my yoga mat and placed my water beside me.  I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just lay on the mat and closed my eyes.  I began to breathe and try to relax. I heard a whooshing sound in my ears, probably due to the extreme lack of noise in the room!  As I waited for class to start, I felt a little nervous.  I'm sure it was because I was new and didn't feel  like I knew what to expect.

The heat began to really relax me.  I just embraced the feeling and tried to go with the flow.  When my instructor arrived, she was very welcoming and she greeted us and turned on some wonderful music. Once I heard that and the class got started, I really began to enjoy it.  I learned a lot in that hour!  I realized that yoga is a very challenging, invigorating, strength building exercise.  It was no joke!  I found myself in positions I never knew I could get in to.  I loved the deep breathing and feeling my muscles loosen.  This was such an escape for me.  My mind was so focused on what my body was doing.

One of the things I loved the most was the cold face towel my instructor brought to us at the end of class.  It was infused with lavender and the combination of the scent and coolness was a  perfect compliment.  For the last five minutes of class we lay completely still, relaxing and taking note of how we were feeling.  I took this time to pray and just praise God for who He is.  It was so nice to have a quiet, warm environment with no distractions to do so. 

I have taken four classes so far.  One was traditional yoga, and the other three have been hot yoga.  I love it!  I truly look forward to all that intimidated me in the beginning.  I use the time to draw closer to God and really focus on His attributes and power.  I feel stronger physically, and spiritually.  I encourage you to try a class if you ever have the opportunity to do it.  You won't regret it!

www.staffordhouseofyoga.com

 

Just right...

Sometimes I get great ideas in my head of how I think things should be.  I want to be more organized so I try to incorporate lists and schedules and new ways of doing things, only to find myself going back to what works.  You know what that is?  Taking each day for what it is and making the best of it.

I will never be Betty Crocker, all together Alice, or organized Ophelia.  I am me.  My family is real.  We try our best.  We make mistakes, and then we do our best to fix them and move on. 

My house is lived in.  It isn't fancy, and it doesn't look like something you'd see in Better Homes and Garden magazine.  You know what?  I'm fine with that!  I like coming home and instantly feeling loved and comfortable to be here.  My hope is that anyone who comes over feels the same way.

Lately I've been spending time looking at different websites to get ideas on how to improve the way I do things.  I save recipes, design ideas, pictures and suggestions thinking that I might actually make some of the plans that I've seen.  Ha!  Then life happens and I'm back where I started...

This morning it dawned on me that it's okay!  What truly matters to me is that I honor God with the way I live my life.  I want to show that He is what matters most.  I want my family to know that how we dress and what material things we own have no eternal value.  There is nothing wrong with the blessings that come to us in life, however, "things" aren't as important as God.


 We have enough.  We are enough.  Because God is enough.